Glop.

It's 55 degrees out today! Woohoo! I'm turning 55 today! Wait. What? 
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A year ago from this glorious, blue, trying to shift to spring day, I was zipping around Times Square, The Upper West Side, back to Times Square, out to Brooklyn to teach and then back to the East Village for a fabulous dinner at Momofuku with dear friends only to repeat this the next day starting at the early bird hour of 5:30am, sans Momofuku. 

No matter what you were doing a year ago from today, it's probably safe to say it is quite different today. Yes? 

I have always been interested in our transformation and what gets in our way. Recently someone shared the brilliance of Martha Beck with me and I was struck by something she said about butterflies and their metamorphosis. She wrote: 

"If you were to look inside the cocoon early on, you’d find nothing but a puddle of glop. But in that glop are certain cells, called imago cells, that contain the DNA-coded instructions for turning bug soup into a delicate, winged creature—the angel of the dead caterpillar."

Glop. 

How about us humans? What really resonated with some of the things M.B talks about, is that there are many times in our lives that we go through transformation. Death of a loved one, loss of a job, moving, kids, kids leaving the nest, and, and. It's basically anything that rocks our world or tilts it sideways. 

We push our way through, use positive thinking and ride the hell out of the 'blip' thinking we will go back to 'normal,' that we are still the same person. 

Er, in a word, no. This is when the releasing, dissolving part is necessary for us to have a growth spurt. Whether a whooper spurt one or tiny one, the challenges are how we are going to expand. To gain wisdom. 

If someone would have told us last year that 2020 we might would lose your jobs, lose our house or worse, or that we luckily kept our job, but now we can work 24/7 from home, never leave home and our kids are home- ALL. THE. TIME. 

How would that process? I am pretty sure that cute little fuzzy caterpillar was not aware he/she needed to dissolve to glop to grow it's gorgeous wings and fly. 

Yes, I know. I have talked often of this process. I guess it's because I am in one. Are you? Oh, and yes, denial works wonders for transformation. Smile emoji.

What I am starting to truly understand- is that there are messy fazes in 'the process.' 

What's helping? 

Absolutely, hands and feet down, getting on my mat. You knew that already. And you know that kindness, compassion and dear ole patience are required for the ride. 

Another biggie? Connecting with my something larger, meaning. The book Burnout shed's a lot of insight on this. That something larger is not a pressure, or an external thing- it's whatever gives ud a sense of inner alignment and has a positive impact. It already exists within us. 

Try their suggestion of writing about:
"What am I doing when I feel that I am most powerfully doing what I am meant to do? There is no right or wrong here. 

My something larger is to teach the art of yoga and learning to live life fluidly. To share the power when we dig, we can uncover internal clarity. Joy. Joy- different than happiness. It is unaffected by external circumstances. Happiness is based on 'happenings.' It's when life is good. 

What happens when it's not? Uh-huh, we often grasp for the tangible, temporary feel goods like chocolate anything, a Netflix marathon of The Queen's Gambit, ohhhhh and shopping at No. 6. Add wine. 

Hey, nothing wrong with any of those things, but after the happiness burns off, we strained our bank account and we didn't show up for ourselves to deal with the glop, well, there's still glop. 

The other biggie is connection. In times when our connection has been significantly limited or cut off at the knees, it's tough. It's essential to our well being to have a flow of giving and receiving. 
Imagine only breathing in, no exhale. Or vice versa. Not gonna work out so well. We need connection like we need food and water.

Suggest: from Burnout: write down everyone in your life who has loved you, brought out the best in you, wants the best for you, believes in you and then reach out to at least one and tell them so. 
Exhale. It's a glorious day to practice. My deepest, most humongous thanks to all of you who helped support me doing what I love.